Hi peopleee
This is my first time posting here! Its always during
the exam period when you find all forms of entertainment to de-stress hahaha So
apart from fb 9gag twitter tumblr etc I’ve came across a few Buddhist articles
that are quite modern and awesome :D
Today, something led me to think about appreciative joy,
Mudita. To me, its probably the hardest to achieve out of the other 4
immeasurables! How can you TRULY and SINCERELY be happy for someone else's happiness? And sometimes, at the expense of your OWN happiness?! Usually neutrality can be achieved, but its inevitable that jealously and envy will kick in to prevent you from reaching that state of true blessing. I have learnt that to PHYSICALLY see someone being happy, I will be happy. thats easy to do, but what if you DON'T see the person!? how do you prevent that jealousy and envy to arise and not be affected by it emotionally?
I have been
bugged by this for a longg time and today, after randomly surfing the net, I've finally SEEN THE LIGHT! (to this puzzle at least hahahha) And I was SO HAPPY I wanted
to share it with all the fellow Buddhist peops I know! So why not post it here!
kk hope it helps some of you guys! :D
http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/en/archives/sutra/level3_lojong_material/general/dealing_jealousy.html
Alexander Berzin
(March 2004)
The Buddhist
abhidharma texts classify "
jealousy" (
phrag-dog)
as a part of hostility. They define it as "a disturbing emotion that
focuses on other peoples’ accomplishments – such as their good
qualities, possessions, or
success –
and is the inability to bear their accomplishments, due to excessive
attachment to our own gain or to the respect we receive."
Attachment, here, means that we are focused on some area of
life in which others have accomplished more than we have, and we
exaggerate its positive aspects. In our minds, we make this area one of
the most important aspects of life and base our sense of self-worth on
it. Implicit is an inordinate preoccupation with and attachment to "me."
Thus, we are jealous because we are
"attached to our own gain or to the respect we receive" in terms of this
area. For example, we may fixate on the amount of money we have or on
how good-looking we are.
As an aspect of hostility, jealousy adds to
this attachment a strong element of resentment at what others have
achieved in this area. It is the opposite of rejoicing and feeling happy
at what they have accomplished.
In English, one of the definitions of
jealousy
is "hostility toward someone believed to enjoy an advantage." It has
only part of the Buddhist definition; it omits the factor of attachment
to the area in which the other person has the advantage. The definition
only implies that the advantage may be true or not, but does not
question the actual importance of the area or the preoccupation with
"me."
Furthermore,
jealousy, as defined in
Buddhism, covers part, but not all of the English word
envy. Envy adds a little more. It adds what
Buddhism calls "covetousness" (
brnab-sems).
Covetousness is "the inordinate desire for something that someone else
possesses." Thus, the definition of "envy" in English, is "a painful or
resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by someone else, joined with
the desire to enjoy the same advantage."
In other words, in addition to
the inability to bear others’ accomplishments in an area of life that,
as Buddhism points out, we exaggerate
the importance of, envy is the wish to have these accomplishments
ourselves. We might be poor or lacking in this area, or we may already
have an adequate or even above average measure of it. If we are envious
and want even more, our covetousness has grown into greed. Often,
although not necessarily, envy entails the further wish for others to be
deprived of what they have achieved, so that we can have it instead. In
this case, there is an ever further ingredient to the emotion, spite.
Envy, as a combination of
jealousy
and covetousness, leads to competitiveness. Thus, Trungpa Rinpoche
discussed jealousy as the disturbing emotion that drives us to become
highly competitive and to work fanatically to outdo others or ourselves.
It is connected with forceful action – the so-called "karma family."
Because of being jealous and envious of what others have accomplished,
we push ourselves or we push others under us to do more and more, like
with extreme competition in business or sports. Thus,
Buddhism
uses the horse to represent jealousy. It races against other horses
because of jealousy. It cannot bear that another horse is running
faster.
It is true that, in
Buddhism,
jealousy
is closely related to competitiveness, although the former does not
necessarily lead to the latter. Someone could be jealous of others, and
with low self-esteem, not even try to compete. Similarly, being
competitive does not necessarily entail jealousy. Some people like to
compete in sports simply for fun, to enjoy themselves and the company of
others, without ever wishing to keep score.
Buddhism connects
jealousy and competition differently. For example, in
Engaging in Bodhisattva Behavior (
sPyod-‘jug, Skt.
Bodhicaryavatara), Shantideva puts together in one discussion
jealousy
toward those in higher position, competitiveness with equals, and
arrogance toward those who are lower in status.
His discussion is within
the context of learning to view all beings as equal.
The problem
Buddhism
is addressing here
is the feeling that "I" am special, which underlies
all three disturbing emotions. For example, if we think and feel that
"I" am the only one who can do a specific task well or correctly, like
teaching our
friend to drive a car, we become
jealous
if anyone else teaches him or her. That does not necessarily lead to
competitiveness. If, on the other hand, we think and feel that "I" am
the only one who deserves to do a specific thing, such as get ahead in
life, and we are envious if someone else succeeds, we become
competitive. We have to outdo the other person, even if we are already
moderately
successful. In both
examples, underlying jealousy and envy is a strong feeling of "me" and a
strong preoccupation with us alone. We do not consider others in the
same way as we do ourselves. We consider ourselves special.
The remedy
Buddhism offers to the problems and unhappiness caused by these types of
jealousy,
envy, competitiveness, and arrogance is to treat the underlying fallacy
concerning "me" and "you." We need to realize and view everyone as
equal.
Everyone has the same basic abilities, in the sense that everyone
has Buddha-nature. Everyone has the same wish to be happy and to
succeed, and not to be unhappy or to fail. And everyone has the same
right to be happy and to succeed and the same right not to be unhappy or
to fail. There is nothing special about "me" in these regards.
Buddhism also teaches love – the wish for everyone, equally, to be happy.
When we learn to view everyone as equal, in terms of
Buddha-nature and love, then we are open to see how to relate to someone
who has either succeeded more than we have or who has succeeded when we
have not. We rejoice in his or her success,
since we want everyone to be happy. We try to help our equals also
succeed, rather than competing with them and trying to outdo them.
Toward those who are less successful than we are, we try to help them do
well, rather than gloat and arrogantly feel better than they are.
Yup this is it. A simple way of seeing things that really helps to make your lives happier and make you a more wonderful person. CHEERS ;)
