Sunday, May 30, 2010

Life has been so mad, so crazy, so fast paced. So much so that my sleeping hours (which i have been very rigid about) have reduced, that I have yet to be able to go out with Ernest, that the moment I get rest I get knocked out.

It has been so fast paced and so mad, that my level of mindfulness has been unable to catch up with this intense speed. Over the past few weeks, I've lost myself so many times, lost my temper so many times, I feel ashamed of myself. What happened to watching my emotions and letting go of anger?

Alas, Vesak Day came. It was busy and mad, baking cookies till 3am the night before, but nothing could beat finally sitting down to chant, to take myself away from the madness of life and to reconnect/reassociate myself with the triple gems. The feeling was of intense joy.

This morning I dragged myself out of bed to go for Renci. But while being at Renci, so many things came back to me. There, it was a real life reflection of impermanence, of dependent origination. One moment a patient is on full diet, another he is on tube feeding. Some of them can't sit up to enjoy the food- we don't have much time to practice the Dhamma while we are still well and able-bodied.

Happy girl now, taking things one at a time, getting my crashed mind back on track, re-energised. Be mindful, be mindful, be mindful.

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